The Sucky Ages

She licks, she sucks

In the life that I have lived so far, and it’s not a very long one yet, I have come to the conclusion that the worst ages to be in has got to be: adolescence, 25, and 29, in order of increasing suckiness.

Imagine the time when you were just an adolescent. Personally, I had a pretty OK adolescence, which is to say that I acquired no life-threatening trauma – physical nor psychological. However, I can just imagine how a lot of youngsters of both sexes must have experienced a sucky puberty. For us boys, this was the time when we got teased endlessly about our changing voices. It was excruciatingly embarrassing to be the center of attention when amongst relatives every time a piyok comes out of my throat. It’s also the same situation with girls when they experienced changes in their bodies, and in the process, getting sexually harassed for the very first time in their lives, and this  harassment was all coming from their very own relatives at that! To add to that, we just didn’t know where to fit in – we get scolded for playing with the kids because we’re not being mature; when we try to mingle with the adults they are indignant because we had the nerve to join their group. It sucks to be an out-of-tune, out-of-proportion outcast.

Twenty-five is a personal sucky age for me mostly because I thought this was the age that I would be settling down, only to find myself during that time with absolutely no direction in life. Not that I now already have a clue towards my purpose and direction in life, but at least now I know and have accepted that there is, in fact, no such thing as purpose and direction in life. It is a myth. Anyways, yes, it is true that I was 25ish when I have suffered a quarter-life crisis. It wasn’t a good feeling; I felt too young to experience such crisis. It was not fair. Well, it never was. To put it simply, it sucked.

And twenty-nine has got to be the worst age to be in for both men and women. I’m not sure if it’s universal or if it’s just a Pinoy thing, but whenever people meet someone who’s nearing 30, they have always felt this urge that compel them to ask about the marriage situation and stuff, even warning that “You’re running out of time!” or “Lalampas ka na sa kalendaryo!” and some such nonsense. Well here’s my sexist comment to that: yes, it’s probably not very nonsensical when you’re talking to a woman, with the biological clock and all. But for a man, it just doesn’t make any sense at all. There is no such time of which I could possibly run out. Personally, I’d like to think of myself as forever virile and strong, full of vigor and endurance. Of course, that is only because I’m safe in the knowledge that there’s the blue pill to back me up when the time comes that my body says otherwise, mwehehe. Anyways, going back to my point, it sucks to be 29. When you’re 29, you’re hanging by your fingernails on the edge of the cliff called Youth, and all the rest of the twentysomethings are stomping on those chewed up nails of yours. If that doesn’t suck big time, then I don’t know what does. (Of course, there is a politically incorrect answer to that rhetorical statement, and it is: The gay people. They will suck big time.)

Such is life, I guess, it sucks. What can you do? What would you do? Would you skip aging and keep on declaring that you’re 28? Coz that was my plan and I could easily get away with it (Rrright…). Yes, that was the plan, but now I have changed my mind. I don’t know about you, but I’m awesome.  That’s because  today,  I have let go of the cliff edge of Youth to be embraced by the arms of sophistication, coolness and pure awesomeness. That’s because  today, I have already turned 30, and that, ladies and gentlemen, is just so awesome. And so cool. And so sophisticated. *smug*

Anyways, what ages were the suckiest for you?