Quit Monking Around

TMZMAQ 001

The Mysterious Zen Monk Answers Questions Volume 001

Here, TMZM answers questions of normal people for me, TZM, because I’m just too busy either writing my blog or wielding my sword. Note that some of these questions are actually true while the others, well, we gotta admit that somebody was bound to ask them anyways. Names were changed for maximum enjoyment.

—¤—

Hello TZM,

This question has been bothering me since I’ve had Philosophy classes in college: What is the meaning of life?

I hope that as a zen monk you can shed light on this matter.

Patrick

Dear Butt Prick,

I’m sure that you feel intelligent now that you’ve taken college Philosophy and supposedly opened up your mind towards your existence and purpose in this hellhole called life, but really, you’re still an idiot whose life’s meaning and purpose is no greater nor interesting than that of lizard feces.

Love lots, TMZM

—¤—

Hi TZM,

I really enjoyed your post entitled “Raquel”. Did it really happen?

- Jazz

Dear Ass,

Who even uses the word “entitled” these days? Why not just use “named” instead? Are you even a true person? Sheesh.

Love lots, TMZM

—¤—

Dear TZM,

Have you been watching the news lately? What can you say about the ZTE Scandal?

More power,

Mark

Dear Murk,

I live in a monastery and people there meditate a lot. And when I say “a lot”, that’s actually an understatement. But whenever there’s time I try to keep myself updated with the happenings in the outside world. I’m sure the ZTE Scandal is very interesting but my personal favorite so far is the “Holy Angel University Scandal”.

Love lots, TMZM

—¤—

If you have a question that’s been bugging you since godknowswhen, send me an email (thezenmonk at gmail) with “TMZMAQ” included on the subject. Who knows, it may just make it to this section.

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